sam chalmersThe awkward "Ex-Encounter"
April 26th 2006 12:33
When an ex begins a new relationship it can trigger feelings of confusion or failure. It is in fact some women’s worst nightmare as they imagine themselves never falling in love again and never being happy because she will always have that image of her ex with another woman.
I, like most other Australian women, have been a victim of failed relationships. The first was particularly difficult as we broke up and got back together three times in the space of six months. Eventually we parted ways after attempts at a friendships ended in bitchy comments flying from one to the other, about the most hurtful as well as pitiful things. To make matters worse he got together with one of my closest friends, which just re-opened old wounds and caused tension and a great deal of uncertainty and awkwardness around her, let alone when I even caught the slightest glimpse of them together. I thought just not being with him was bad enough, I never suspected seeing him with a new partner – friend or not – would hit me so hard.
Does this hit a nerve with anyone else out there?
I, like most other Australian women, have been a victim of failed relationships. The first was particularly difficult as we broke up and got back together three times in the space of six months. Eventually we parted ways after attempts at a friendships ended in bitchy comments flying from one to the other, about the most hurtful as well as pitiful things. To make matters worse he got together with one of my closest friends, which just re-opened old wounds and caused tension and a great deal of uncertainty and awkwardness around her, let alone when I even caught the slightest glimpse of them together. I thought just not being with him was bad enough, I never suspected seeing him with a new partner – friend or not – would hit me so hard.
Does this hit a nerve with anyone else out there?
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Comment by Dani
Its really disappointing that your ex ended up dating your closest friend. From a guy's point of view, its pretty nasty for a friend to date their ex. It causes a sense of uncertainty (as you stated), especially its after a bad break up. The last thing you want is the lingering reminder of a relationship gone wrong :-/
I'm assuming that your friend probably saw your troubles with your ex... but being a 'friend' of yours..how could she go ahead and date him? :-/
Comment by kate
Thanks so much for your comment. My friend definitely saw the troubles (I was a wreck - first relationship and all I was a mess when it came to handling the break-up), but I guess if they're happy then the rift between her and I now may seem worth it, in part. I wish we were still close and that he hadn't been the deciding factor in the future of our friendship... ahh, sorry I get a little riled up sometimes. Anyway, not everything can end in a win-win situation I guess, and perhaps we didn't have much of a future if she was prepared to neglect so many years of friendship - but that's a whole different kettle of fish.
The reminder is a killer and it really irritates me that it still irritates me seeing them together. But I'm much better off without him - he has traits and moods and behaviours no-one should have to 'put up' with if they're meant to care about you.
Oh tumultuous exes!! That sense of neglect/uncertainty/maybe even a sliver of worthlessness can really get you stuck in a negative mindset. That stage passes but sometimes a similar, somewhat despondent, niggling feeling lingers... that's the little bugger I find the hardest to push out of my mind; it's the worst reminder of a past relationship embroiled in and etched with uncertainity.
Comment by stephen
I too am sorry to hear about your ex. A similar thing is happening with me at the moment, in that I kind of started to get back together with a woman I had been seeing for not very long, and yet another fight broke it off yesterday.
Some relationships are like that, you know? You kind of clash a few times before you realise it's no go (like your 3 times in 6 months).
I know it's hard (!), but the pain will fade, day by day. And you'll find another man that will 'click' much easier.
I guess the most important thing is to keep your dignity. By that I mean many people in these situations show bitterness, or a foul yemper towards their exes (in in your case friend!) but it's better to keep smooth, like it doesn't phase you at all.
Good luck<
Comment by kate
Thanks for your message. I am in total agreeance with you. It is really sad that I have this sense of bitterness towards my friend, I really wish I didn't. But it is definitely a personal emotion, not something I share openly - and definitely not with her. It will pass. I think it is just the whole 'first relationship' heartbreak that was such a shock I didn't know how to handle things, then their pairing up just made the siuation even more daunting and seemingly depressing.
I hope you are ok Stephen. It is hard to accept when things are not meant to be, especially if you work so hard at a relationship, and there's that feeling that something is so right, yet the two of you just don't work out as well as hoped. It's just the trials and tribulations we ALL go through before finding that someone that clicks without a whole lot of effort (or at least not a whole lot of fighting, break-ups and turmoil). Being in this kind of relationship still hurts - but in a 'I wouldn't have life without them' kind of way