sam chalmersFacing Relationship Reality
May 1st 2006 05:44
Anne Hollands, CEO of Relationships Australia, says that getting along with an ex’s new partner is a priority if you wish to pursue any sort of relationship with him. “Seeing your ex with someone else won’t be as painful, [if you shift back to being friends instead of cutting ties altogether] and you’ll probably find you have a lot in common with the new partner too.” You did both fall for the same guy.
When an ex finds a new partner and you are still single the sting of your breakup can resurface. However, once you are able to give the new couple some time alone and are able to refrain from water-works outbursts and abusive outbursts you will have a fair chance of being part of the group.
Holland believes “Your partner bonding with someone else is a further reinforcement that you’re not wanted, not valued and not loved”, and this is exactly how I felt. However, having followed these survival strategies at my own pace I’ve come out from my reclusive, disheartened shell more fortunate and delighted than I ever thought possible.
1) Don’t bad-mouth the new partner in front of mutual friends. You can be curious but don’t influence others decisions.
2) Off-load your feelings on a counsellor or trusted (but unconnected) friend
3) Don’t assume things will go along exactly as before , when you were both single
4) If you can’t handle the new partner then stay away. Don’t panic because your feelings of hurt and anger are normal, just like other phases in life. Remind yourself that you can come out on top.
5) Maintain positive body language; open instead of closed gestures, regardless of internalized conflict and stored memories.
When an ex finds a new partner and you are still single the sting of your breakup can resurface. However, once you are able to give the new couple some time alone and are able to refrain from water-works outbursts and abusive outbursts you will have a fair chance of being part of the group.
Holland believes “Your partner bonding with someone else is a further reinforcement that you’re not wanted, not valued and not loved”, and this is exactly how I felt. However, having followed these survival strategies at my own pace I’ve come out from my reclusive, disheartened shell more fortunate and delighted than I ever thought possible.
1) Don’t bad-mouth the new partner in front of mutual friends. You can be curious but don’t influence others decisions.
2) Off-load your feelings on a counsellor or trusted (but unconnected) friend
3) Don’t assume things will go along exactly as before , when you were both single
4) If you can’t handle the new partner then stay away. Don’t panic because your feelings of hurt and anger are normal, just like other phases in life. Remind yourself that you can come out on top.
5) Maintain positive body language; open instead of closed gestures, regardless of internalized conflict and stored memories.
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