Kiranbeing ourself continued....
July 23rd 2006 23:13
I realise of course this dating site will not be the same as before, but I can only do what I can do...so I will write as I can on dating advice and welcome your comments!
last time I wrote about being yourself.....today I want to continue this theme...and we will see were we go.
It really could be seen to make a lot of sense to be yourself...cos the interrelational space that is created between the two of you will have a greater chance of being authentic.
Who we are what we know about ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world are three structures that interplay with the other (our date) to create an encounter.
If we want to know who the other is, and to understand how they operate and where they are at, and whether is it possible to be in a loving relationship at all....then I feel it is honourable to both yourself and the other to try and be as true to yourself as possible. This does not mean being selfish (unless being selfish is your thing), but to be mindful of being true to yourself, the best and closest rendition of yourself, like a sort of anchor point and foundation.
I will try and explain this a little more...if I like reading philosophy, but think my date is not into philosophy...and he asks me what I like to read, and by that time I know he is not into philosophy but I like him and want to get to know him more...what do I do? Common advice might be to deny my interest in philosophy and not mention it, in case it turns him off.
But wait, what have I done if I do this?
I have mislead him, denied myself and created an entanglement...a situation that will need explaining or undoing later on...all for the sake of trying to sustain an interest. This is not a good move, and I admit I have done this in the past.
Now I know not everyone will agree, so write in and tell me what you think!
last time I wrote about being yourself.....today I want to continue this theme...and we will see were we go.
It really could be seen to make a lot of sense to be yourself...cos the interrelational space that is created between the two of you will have a greater chance of being authentic.
Who we are what we know about ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world are three structures that interplay with the other (our date) to create an encounter.
If we want to know who the other is, and to understand how they operate and where they are at, and whether is it possible to be in a loving relationship at all....then I feel it is honourable to both yourself and the other to try and be as true to yourself as possible. This does not mean being selfish (unless being selfish is your thing), but to be mindful of being true to yourself, the best and closest rendition of yourself, like a sort of anchor point and foundation.
I will try and explain this a little more...if I like reading philosophy, but think my date is not into philosophy...and he asks me what I like to read, and by that time I know he is not into philosophy but I like him and want to get to know him more...what do I do? Common advice might be to deny my interest in philosophy and not mention it, in case it turns him off.
But wait, what have I done if I do this?
I have mislead him, denied myself and created an entanglement...a situation that will need explaining or undoing later on...all for the sake of trying to sustain an interest. This is not a good move, and I admit I have done this in the past.
Now I know not everyone will agree, so write in and tell me what you think!
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